Almost the same but not quite

Seven days ago I was panicking that this trip could be the biggest mistake I had ever made.  At that point I would have settled for Ash not pacing the floor all night at the airport hotel, for not freezing in terror as we went through security and for not getting lost inside the apartment or out.  None of that has happened and he's been more relaxed than I've seen him in months if not years.  So am I satisfied?  Of course not.  He doesn't lie in bed in a morning rigid because he doesn't know what day it is, he doesn't shout because he feels I've made him look stupid, he doesn't sit crying and asking 'what's wrong with me?' but still this holiday isn't quite the same as it would have been.  He's making me laugh, he's talking to me and he's interested in every day things but every so often some random comment or something he does pulls me up short and then I realise that nothing will ever be the same again.  However  the whole point of writing this each day is to remind me of the positives in my life and there are many.  First and foremost at the moment is that we are having a holiday that is allowing us to relax and regroup, today we are meeting up with some very dear friends who happen to be staying here at the same time (although on a different part of the island) and we have friends and family at home willing all of this to succeed.  Those seem to be very positive things to keep in mind.


Jane said…
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