Memory for two

Ash has gone to bed early so I have some breathing space and some head space all at the same time which is unusual to say the least at the moment. Anyway, here I am with the latest news and views from our dementia affected world. We're told again and again by professionals to focus on what's still possible rather than what's disappeared but I'm finding that increasingly difficult to do mostly because so much has gone and very little of my Ash is left. Until three weeks ago Ash was still getting his own breakfast and lunch, albeit slowly.  A week later I was putting everything out on the worktop and he was putting it all together.  Last week he stood and looked at everything with panic in his eyes and I realised I needed to sit him down and present him with those meals.  He'd long since stopped being able to contribute towards an evening meal but this was another step down. He can no longer make a cup of tea but he can butter a scone if it's put out on a plate an

 Am so sorry I haven't been around and am very, very grateful for all the emails and messages you sent asking where I was. I did read them all but, as you'll have noticed if you were an enquirer, I didn't manage to reply and there were a couple of reasons for that. The first is that life got a little difficult for a while and I found myself overwhelmed by everything to the point where my brain refused to function.  I found myself incapable of putting thoughts into words and the only way I got through each day was to put one foot in front of the other and focus on a point just in front of me.  For the first time ever I followed all the advice ever given to carers of those with dementia and lived in the moment.   I have to tell you now, having come through it, that 'living in the moment' is really not me.  In fact it seemed that not focusing on the future meant I had little to look forward to and all the joy and fun drained away from my life.  Planning for that future