Memory for two

 My day began with a walk on the island of Capri which is now a destination on my adventure list for 'afterwards'.  Lovely walk on the treadmill with the views in front of me so much nicer than the ones I glimpsed outside the window and I was actually filled with joy which is never a bad start to the day.  Boring things followed but then I decided to get out in the fresh air before the rain came so layered up against the cold until I looked like my version of a Michelin man, put my rucksack on my back and went out for a short walk with the idea of collecting wood for the fire if I saw any.  Wasn't out for long before I came on several pieces which went into the rucksack and two large bits which I decided I could carry so all was looking good.  Got to a stile and clambered over leaving the two large pieces behind with the plan that I could collect them on the way back, waded through mud and over another stile and then I was in a huge meadow with huge trees and broken branche

If you only know me through this blog you might not realise how difficult I find it to stick at anything.  I so often give up or lose my motivation and then before I know it I'm back to square one.  This dementia affected life however is something I can't give up on so I've had to come up with strategies to cover as many eventualities as I can think of.  There are of course the strategies to help Ash cope with life and which in turn make my life just that little bit easier but there are also the strategies which keep me on the straight and narrow and those are the ones which make me focus.  This morning I realised that I've stopped exercising.  I used to go out at 7am every morning and walk for an hour but a couple of weeks ago, 3 mornings in a row, I got as far as the road and almost fell over on the ice so I decided to give up on that until the 7ams were lighter and the frost was gone.  Instead I was going to go on my treadmill every afternoon except that I didn't

 I have to admit that I was still feeling a little sorry for myself this morning, still wishing Ash was the person he used to be, still wishing he'd look at me with the old glow in his eyes but wishing is no use and I'm mostly rooted in reality so I gave myself a mental shake and once again picked up the reigns to get on with things.  Having decided that I sat at the computer and had a look at a photo I'd taken of myself yesterday which I quite liked.  For a long time I hated photos of me because I didn't like what I saw but had no idea how to change and very little motivation to make any of those that were necessary so the easiest thing was to hide from the camera and shut the other thoughts out too.  Then I started to lose weight and get fit and suddenly I felt better about myself so a few photos began to appear and I didn't mind them.  This morning then I looked for yesterday's photo and there, alongside it, was one taken just before Christmas 2019, almost ex

 Ash is having a bad day today and it's making life a little uncomfortable.  The first part of my morning was lovely with a video chat amongst friends followed by a session outside in the sunshine with my dearly beloved chainsaw which is fast becoming my favourite possession.  I filled the basket with logs and then looked up to find Ash had come out to see if I wanted the full (heavy) basket carrying back to the house.  The answer to that was of course a very grateful 'yes please' and a smile but I did notice the smile wasn't returned.  Not a problem because it isn't always and I was still filled with post-chainsaw joy.  It was when I came back inside then that the reality hit me.  I went into the kitchen and made some happy comment only to see Ash look at me with something approaching dislike in his eyes which caught me off guard and briefly knocked me sideways.  Now I do know this isn't the real him and the intelligent part of me understands that it probably w

 Yesterday, you may have noticed, there was no blog post and that was because I spent the whole day feeling as though I'd been hit over the head with a cricket bat because Ash woke me up at 4am thinking it was time to get up and that we'd overslept.  Even now I don't feel quite recovered so if this post doesn't make a whole lof of sense you'll have to forgive me.  At the time I calmed him down, made a cup of tea and then waited for him to fall back to sleep which he did quite quickly once I'd persuaded him that the only thing to do was stay where we were for a while.  Unfortunately snoring came very quickly on the heels of his sleep but by that time I was warm and cosy in the big bed on the comfortable mattress and was very loathe to move so it took a while of battling with my brain before I realised that, if I was to get any sleep at all, I was going to have to rouse myself and make my way to 'my' bedroom.  I finally got back to sleep around 5.30am only

So the next instalment of the chainsaw saga is here and I'm pleased to be able to tell you that I had a go and it worked!  I did think it might be another day of barriers just because of the rain hammering against the window first thing and into the rest of the morning but eventually it stopped and I was out there.  Once again I layered all the safety clothing on until I looked like an overweight tangerine, picked up the chainsaw, stopped Ash taking a photo of me and then made my way outside to pull large branches from the pile.  I found several that looked a good size to start on, jammed them into the saw horse and set to discovering in the process that it really was as much fun as I hoped it would be.  I'm sure most of you know more interesting ways to enjoy yourselves but when dementia's in your life your options are limited and, I have to say, I had more fun with that chainsaw than I've had with almost anything in a very, very long time with the added bonus that, at

 I really, really thought I was going to be using this post to tell you how successful the chainsaw had been and that we now had piles and piles of logs to burn but it wasn't to be.  As you  know I'd collected the chain saw on Friday along with the safety helmet, visor and ear defenders, the trousers had arrived on Saturday and I was all set for my first attempt yesterday but a video call with my best friend in Australia took up the morning, a birthday walk with another friend in the village took up the afternoon and then it was dusk and even I wasn't going to attempt using a chainsaw when I couldn't see properly so the scene was reset to this afternoon.  I put on the trousers, donned the helmet and picked up the chainsaw, making my way out to the shed to collect the battery which I'd last used on the lawn mower at the end of the summer and for some reason forgetting to check beforehand whether it had held its charge or not.  I'm sure you know exactly what I'