Memory for two

Have just seen a poem about dementia called 'When I Wander' and everything in it is so true.  If you come into contact with even one person with dementia in your lifetime this will make so much sense and will also be so useful to remember.  I have tried to copy it onto here but can't so, until I find time to type it out, I would highly recommend you look it up.

Those of you who read yesterday's post will know that the day started really well and I had high hopes.  Unfortunately by 10am Ash was wandering around saying 'I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, I don't know what I'm allowed to do, I'm out of routine' and it was obvious we had a problem.  I was trying to get all the paperwork together for our holiday (I have a fear of arriving at the airport without passports or boarding cards) so I suggested he cleaned out the car which took us to lunch time.  After lunch he took the dog for a walk and then sat watching the tv and napping (both unheard of during the day for him) until it was time to go and visit friends.  We'd been invited out for a late Sunday lunch - wonderful friends, gorgeous location, great food - and set out in silence.  The company did him good so that was ok and we had a good time.  Got home at 8.30 when we discovered he hadn't taken his morning tablet.  This is Sertraline which...

Sometimes it's the little things you miss.  Sunday morning used to be for lying in bed, snoozing and listening to the radio.  Nowadays lying in bed in a morning is an opportunity for Ash to start panicking about the day ahead so I usually get us up early so the day begins before he has time to start worrying.  This morning however we woke at 6am, got a cup of tea and then listened to the radio until nearly 8am.  All was calm, including the music playing, and life was almost normal again.  In fact it was better than normal.  This was such an unusual event that it was possible to make the most of it and relax for a while.  Maybe it will happen again but not sure that Chris Evans (weekday preference) has the same effect as Good Morning Sunday!

Had a brilliant day yesterday.  The week hasn't gone particularly well as we're down to one vehicle at the moment and Ash isn't feeling very good about the fact that (he feels) he's reliant on me not needing the car for work.  As I work mostly from home this problem is really in his mind but self esteem is a very fragile thing, especially when you have dementia.  Hopefully a second vehicle will be on its way very soon.  Anyway yesterday we were going to look after the grandson (AKA 'the bright star in our lives').  Had to be there early so I made sure we were up at 6am.  I've found that getting up early reduces opportunities for stressful situations to develop so, although I'm definitely not a morning person, it's one of my new strategies and seems to work most of the time.  This time it didn't.  we were out of routine, there were lots of variables on the day and he was already in a bad mood (see 'no 2nd car' above).  I took a deep breath...

If you look at the list I've started on the 'Strategies' page you see that number one is 'don't ask questions'.  I know this works but do find it very hard.  After 42 years with someone you get used to asking for opinions or finding out how they want to spend their day.  This morning I almost blew the whole day out of the water.  We are currently down to one car which is ok as I work from home and Ash only does gardening jobs in the village.  This morning I needed to go into work for a team day so stupidly almost as soon as we woke up I asked if he wanted to take me to work so that he had the car for the day.  This meant that he felt he needed to work out whether or not he needed the car which was a major decision for him.  Luckily I managed to save us from meltdown by quickly saying 'actually why don't you take me to work then you've got the car in case you need it'?  Crisis averted.  Jake, our son, heir and all round good egg, has told me n...

why is it that I can write great posts in my head but as soon as I sit down to type them onto here they disappear or appear 'clunky'?  I've written the post 3 times now so have decided that this is it.  We had a really great trip out last night to see Henry Blowfeld and it was almost as though life was normal.  Went for a meal beforehand, sat through the show laughing at all the right times (that's both of us as, this being about cricket, I had no idea what he was talking about much of the time) and generally having a good night.  This was the 2nd night out in 3 days and both times no stress before, during or after.  Long may it continue.

When my husband was diagnosed with dementia I began to look on-line to see what support was available.  I read blogs and joined forums for weeks on end then I began to notice that all of them were very supportive but I couldn't find many voices on there that were upbeat or humorous which were the two things that have got our family through every difficulty in our lives to this point. This blog is the result of all that searching.  It is only for the positive.  If your life is affected in any way by dementia please feel free to post any positive experiences you have had, any strategies that have worked for you, any 'wow' moments that have come your way and any particular aspect of a holiday (or life in general) that has made it work for you.