Something odd

Having spent all day sat in front of a computer trying to staff a holiday playscheme my brain has turned to mush so have turned to this for a little light relief.

Ash has spent the last two days painting all of the woodwork on the outside of the house (other than windows) black and it looks amazing.  All the way through we've both been admiring it and wondering why we hadn't gone for black sooner.  He's even used the wood stain on the horrible old grey drain pipes.  They look equally good but we're waiting to see what happens the first time it rains before we declare that a success.   Anyway we've both been congratulating ourselves, and each other, on the choice of colour, the success of it all and the fact that it's now finished so I was taken by surprise when he suddenly said last night 'do you think I've made a mess of all that painting'?  I was taken aback to put it mildly.  I wasn't humouring him with all of the admiring remarks and there had been nothing in a single conversation we'd had that could have made him think he'd done something wrong so where did that question come from?  One of the problems with dementia is that it's a long time coming.  The person who develops it knows there's something wrong but every time he/she mentions it the rest of us leap forward to reassure them that everything's ok.  Except they know deep down that it isn't but maybe they're just imagining it.   What are they supposed to think?  All of that means that, by the time dementia arrives on everyone's horizon, the person who has been asking that question again and again has no self esteem or confidence left.  I've learnt all of that and have spent the last few months re-building the feeling of self worth but, just when I think I've cracked it, that one remark shows there's still some way to go.  The really good thing about dementia however is that by the time we went to bed he had no recollection of the conversation and was feeling pleased with himself all over again so we are getting somewhere with all of this.