Interesting how change soon becomes the norm
Three weeks ago I went to a party on my own, Ash having opted out. Even though I'm not worried about doing things alone it felt odd not having him with me. Since then I've been to two more events while he's stayed at home and yesterday's (the third) felt perfectly normal. Not only that but I noticed that several other people were there without partners and those that were with someone wandered around chatting to people they knew and I suddenly realised all over again that I can do this. Being with someone, however much you love them and however long you've been together, isn't the be all and end all of life. If Ash is having a good day and wants to come to something with me then that will be lovely but if he's having a bad day or loses his confidence, however temporarily, then that's ok with me. While I can leave him I will do things on my own and it will be far more comfortable that having him by my side wishing so much that he was at home sitting in the garden contemplating the birds on the feeder which is one of his favourite occupations nowadays. I've spent a lot of time over the past few months/years, wishing that we still had our old social life where we would often be first at the party and last to leave but have finally realised that there is more to life and for the first time in a very long time I feel fairly content. Obviously not totally content because, given the circumstances, that would be a little weird but the world does not end because we stay at home more. Once again it's attitude that makes the difference. Am now going to book tickets for an outdoor performance of Alice in Wonderland which is on locally next weekend. Am going with a friend and I know we'll have a brilliant time.