Staying focused

Living with dementia can be so frustrating and it's often the little things that are the most irritating.  We were going out last night and it was a quick turnaround from me getting home from work to us getting out of the door which is never easy nowadays.  Ash got changed and then asked if his trainers would be ok to wear.  I suggested flip flops and he agreed.  I then went up to get changed, came down and found him wearing the grotty trainers!  Not so long ago I would have pointed this out, asked him why he'd wanted my opinion if he was going to ignore it, he would have had no recollection of asking the question so would have been scared about the gap in his memory and everything would have escalated.  Well everyone, I am hear to tell you that over the last few months I have learnt several important lessons and this time it was that footwear is not an important issue.  Did it really matter what was on his feet?  Was anyone actually going to notice?  The answer to those two questions was a resounding 'NO'.  Not only that but the important thing to hang on to was that he hadn't done this on purpose.  The fact that he'd asked me about the trainers meant that's what was in his head and so of course that's what he was going to wear.  This did start me thinking however not only about how far I've come since last December but why and I realised that one of the things I now try to remember is how I would like to be treated by Ash if our roles were reversed.  I have done silly things, made stupid mistakes and gone down misguided routes on numerous occasions since we got together all those years ago but he has always stood by me and always been the first to say 'it doesn't matter, we'll sort it out' so now it's my turn.  If I was the one with dementia I know I would be frightened, lost, and (most definitely) irritating but I hope he would take it in his stride and do his best to make life easier for me and it's that thought which keeps me on track.  I can't change what's happening to us I can only change the way I deal with it.

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