I now belong to two forums both supporting people with dementia in their lives and the difference between the two is quite astounding.  The first, which almost made me give up the fight the minute I joined it, seems to be populated by people who constantly moan about having to care for someone with dementia, how their life is no longer their own, how they didn't sign up for this etc. etc.  One post I read was from a lady who moaned that her husband (who had dementia) didn't take her a cup of tea in bed any more because he couldn't be bothered!  Not all posts are like this but too many are from people unhappy with their lot in life.  The second forum is much more positive.  There are photos of loved ones, genuine requests for advice (and equally genuine advice given), few rants and a positive vibe about the whole thing.  If I comment on a post on this forum it seems to be welcomed even if the comment is a little off the wall whereas when I have posted on the first one the posts are either ignored or I have had sarcastic comments.  Guess which one I will be looking at from now on.

Life is sometimes difficult when you are living with dementia and a positive mindset makes all the difference.   The person in your life who has dementia isn't deliberately trying to annoy you, isn't being lazy when they don't do things and hasn't stopped loving you just because they can no longer show it.  Underneath it all the person you love is still there but it's up to you/us to create moments for that person to emerge.  A few days ago I saw a video clip of human 'Whack a mole'.  It was an inflatable with a person in the middle and holes around him.  All the time I was watching people kept bobbing up from the holes while the person in the middle tried to bash them with a mallet.  This had me in hysterics but also made me think of our life at the moment.  The people bobbing up and down are like the flashes of normality that come out of nowhere and I think that, instead of bashing them out of the way, we need to be ready to embrace them whenever they appear.  We can't do that if we're focusing on the negative.