Becoming a grown-up
Last night I came to a momentous decision. I had been pondering on it all day and was worried because I couldn't discuss it with Ash which is, contrary to what most people who know us thought, something I had always done. It was a private joke between us that everyone thought I was the one in our relationship who made all of the decisions and that Ash had little or no say in what we did. In reality we had such an equal relationship. We discussed things and decided together but the truth was that most of the time he was happy to go along with my ideas. If he didn't want to do something or he thought I was out of line he would say so but quietly and away from others. You don't need to know what this particular decision was just that it came about because I was cross and usually that would have been enough for me to rush headlong into a crisis. This time, because I couldn't rely on Ash to put the brakes on, I knew I had to think longer and harder about which way to go. I went to bed worrying and woke in the night still worrying but, guess what, by the time I got up this morning I knew I'd made the right decision and was proud of myself because I did it all on my own. Not only that but there was a sense of freedom in being able to do just that. I still have to consider Ash and us but I couldn't ask for his views as that would send him into turmoil so I had to be a grown up and work it out for myself. It's only taken 58 years to get to this point. Who knew dementia in someone I love could create such a change in me.