Be careful of your memories

It's been a difficult few days (not with Ash just life in general) and yesterday grief flew out of nowhere and knocked me sideways taking me completely by surprise.  It followed me all day, sneaking up and attacking me just when I least expected it but I had no idea where it had come from.  I have signed up to a facebook group which sends me positive quotes on a regular basis and I feel better each time I read one but yesterday they didn't help, in fact nothing helped and I was at a complete loss with what to do.  I struggled through the day, managed to get a grip in the evening when I went out with friends and felt better by the time I went to bed but I was concerned.  What to do?  I'm not one for counselling or talking things through with friends but no other options presented themselves.  I was still at a loss when I woke up this morning however 9.30am saw me driving in the sunshine through the Lincolnshire Wolds singing along to Dolly Parton on the radio and very little is more likely to make me feel good about my life.   Not only that but as the blackness left me I was able to analyse what had happened and realised that I'd been looking back on how life used to be and regretting all the things I hadn't done, all the things I wish I'd done differently and all the things that had been left unsaid.  This is not a good thing to do.  I have said lots and lots of times that it's better not to look backwards or forwards but to live in the moment but I realised today that sometimes we need to look backwards to remember the good times and to keep them with us.  What we mustn't do is waste time on regret as that way madness lies.

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