Heated discussions aren't worth the effort

On Saturday a heated discussion began in our house and my heart sank as I knew I could and should have avoided it.  I have no idea now how it started but apparently I am always on the laptop, I never listen and I am always rushing around 'doing things'.  I have to hold my hands up to two of those things but I have my reasons for each one:

I am on the laptop a lot as two days a week I'm working, mostly to pay for all the things that Ash's odd jobs used to pay for but also because I write this blog and that's what keeps me relatively clear headed about what's happening to us.  It also gets me out of the sitting room in the evening when Ash is on his 4th hour of watching quiz shows.  I don't want to stop him as he answers an awful lot of the questions still and it's good for his brain but there is a limit to my capacity for them.

I am always rushing around doing things but for several reasons.   Because we do so much together I need to be with friends at times; there are things I like to do that he doesn't and there will come a time when I can't leave him in order to do them so I'm packing them in now; there are lots of jobs in the garden that Ash used to do but now has lost interest in.  The jobs are still there and someone has to do them so that's me.  Lots of reasons however the biggest one is that he was my best friend for years and years but now, for reasons beyond his control, he can't be and I need to fill the hole in my life that leaves.

Anyway we got through the heated discussion and had a really good talk about it all with the result that I promised myself I would limit the amount of time I spent both on the laptop and on being out doing stuff.  Instead I would organise for us to do more together.  So I planned things for yesterday afternoon and today only to find (as I should have known would happen) that he had completely forgotten that we'd even talked about it and couldn't understand why I wanted him to go with me to a local 'Apple Day' event yesterday or why I had planned a walk for the two of us today.  There was total confusion on his face each time I mentioned either of these things and in the end I left him quite happily to his own devices while I got on with 'rushing around doing things'.  Next time I'll just agree with everything at the very beginning and then carry on as normal.