Recovering my positivity
Listening to that answerphone message three days ago seems to have been a watershed moment. I have been very positive for quite a while now especially since discovering the Contented Dementia Trust and Young Dementia UK. Both of those charities have been more supportive than I could ever have imagined and just knowing they were there made all the difference. Having said that the last few weeks have been a struggle for some reason and I was beginning to think that I was going to live the rest of this experience in an ever increasing uphill struggle against despair. I don't like despair and have rarely in my life succumbed to it so this was totally unexpected and to be honest I didn't know how to handle it. I really felt as though I was imagining how good life used to be, that I had turned Ash into something he had never been and that our relationship had always been like this. That message, which I have now listened to several times, made me realise that what I thought was true really was and that has made such a difference. I know now why I'm doing this and I know that from this moment whatever life throws at us we'll cope. It feels as though a huge cloud has been moved out of the way and I can once again see the sunshine. If you are in a similar situation and are feeling that everything is hopeless please don't give up, believe in what you had, believe in yourself and know that you can get through this. Try your best to see the light at the end of the tunnel and move towards it once step at a time. It will be worth it I promise.