Do we need to discuss what's happening to us?

Frequently I hear 'my husband/wife/partner/parent won't accept they have a problem, what should I do'?  I found this at the very beginning.  I would try to talk to Ash about the future but either he couldn't get his head around it or he would refuse to talk about it or he would decide that he didn't have a problem and had no idea what I was talking about.  The first time I talked to a friend about what was happening to us (the friend who put me on the track of Contented Dementia) my words were exactly that.  'He won't talk about it.  What can I do'?  He very wisely told me that there didn't seem anything to be gained from talking about it and to leave well alone.  He was right and I now feel I should pass those words of wisdom on.  Over the months I've been writing this blog I hope I've shown that what will most positively affect your lives at this moment are strategies.  Ash is on medication and I have no intention of stopping it in case it is making a difference but what has changed our lives the most is not asking questions, listening to him, slowing down, learning from what's worked and what hasn't, not overloading him with information and other things I've written about along the way.  Through all of this I've discovered that we don't need to talk about it all for these to work, I just need to stick to them with grit and determination.

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Unknown said…
After recently coming across your blog I wish to congratulate you for having such a positive outlook on what is a terrible journey of which yourself and Ash are on.
Nearly five years ago , after visiting the GP my Wife then aged 50 was recommended to go to Memory Clinic for further tests .
After we got outside she burst into tears and told me that if she finds out she’s got what her Mum had ( Mum died at 61 with Alzheimer’s ) She would kill herself.
That was the first and last time we talked about it, and I have absolutely no regrets about it. Unlike the advert it isn’t always ‘ Good To Talk ‘

Jane said…
It really isn't is it? Ash's mum died of Alzheimers and we saw what she went through. I really thought when we got the diagnosis that our world had come to an end but 11 months on and things are better than ever. Talking about it solves nothing but assuming the dementia is manageable seems to have achieved such a lot. Also giving everyone we know the information and strategies they need means we all have (most of) the old Ash back.