Peace of mind

A friend gave me a book yesterday called 'Slothology - the art and wisdom of taking it easy'.  It's full of so many sayings with which I totally agree that I have read the whole thing with a huge smile on my face.  The one that struck me more than all the others was 'Set peace of mind as your highest goal' and that is what I now aim for every day.  It takes hard work, involves planning and means going with the flow when sometimes your every instinct is to run in the opposite direction but I really do feel it's the only way to live.  I am a control freak and there are things Ash does which drive me crazy.  He washes up when he could put the pots in the dishwasher, he wears walking boots all the time when I think he would be more comfortable in trainers, he puts things away in different cupboards each time so that I have to hunt for them, he doesn't delete photos from the memory card in his camera so each time he wants to download the latest ones it takes him so much longer than is necessary.  I've come to realise though that all of these things are my problem not his (and you're probably thinking by now that I'm the one that's odd).  If he's happy washing up then who am I to say he shouldn't and anyway does it really matter?  Peace of mind for me also means that Ash is comfortable.  The vibes we give off and the body language we display affect other people far more than we realise therefore if I'm relaxed and confident so is he.  I have talked about how I tell everyone I know that Ash has dementia.  This isn't for any reason other than I can then relax in the knowledge that if he says or does anything random when we're with other people they won't be disconcerted.  Again, if they are relaxed and confident it will have a positive effect on him.  If they are uneasy he will pick up on those feelings and he will also be uneasy.   This is also why I talked to Jan & Richard at The Thomas Centre about turning their complex into a dementia friendly holiday environment  for that one week next year and why I told you about it yesterday.  Those without dementia will be able to relax in the knowledge that everyone around them is in the same boat, families will be able to enjoy a break together without the stress of worrying about other people's reactions and the vibes everyone emits will be of confidence and calm.  We have wonderful friends who we have been on holiday with regularly over the years and luckily we're still able to do that for now.  When we get to the stage where life with Ash gets more difficult (and I do know that time will come)  I would still like to go away with them.  We have had brilliant times in interesting places but things will change and The Thomas Centre is exactly the type of place I will suggest.  The accommodation is high end,  the surroundings are calm and everyone around us will be understanding.  What more could we want?  The other reason I like the idea though is that it won't just be about dementia.  There will be lots of people there who are living a life affected by dementia but they will probably be just like you and me, people who want a regular holiday without having to worry.

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Lesley said…
We'll be up for that! :o)
Jane said…
was hoping you'd say that.