Disaster averted

Most of the time Ash is so close to 'normal' nowadays that I occasionally forget and that happened this morning.  Last night we were out with friends (and am loving this newly discovered social life).  Ash was so chatty it was amazing to watch so when we woke this morning I started talking through all the things that needed to be done before the big day just as I used to.  These really weren't anything too strenuous and there was no thought other than working out in my head (and out loud) what to do and in what order.  Suddenly I realised that Ash was very still and not commenting.  He had taken what I was saying and turned it into jobs to worry about and routines to be changed.  I was very proud of myself as I stayed calm, reduced the number of things to be done to practically nil, told him that he didn't have to do a thing as all of his jobs (present wrapping, lights round the front porch, logs in the wood shelter etc) were finished and the rest of the preparations were mine.  The excellent thing here was that dementia means your loved one can't remember what they were worrying about only the feeling of worrying so once I'd explained that they were all my jobs and he saw that the list was quite short he calmed down and forgot that he was worried at all.  I am determined to do this Christmas with all our traditions intact as who knows whether he will cope at all next year but have realised for myself that it really doesn't have to be busy and stressful.  If some cards don't get delivered friends will understand, if we're running late on any given day it doesn't matter, if presents aren't wrapped as perfectly as usual that's ok.  All that matters is that it's manageable for all of us and that's actually a great weight off everyone's shoulders.  What this showed though was the importance of body language and keeping thoughts to myself.  Once I relaxed again so did Ash.


Sarah H said…
Well done you! 🙂