A difficult day was had by all

Today was difficult.  Not quite from the moment we woke up but from very shortly afterwards and it has all been very trying.  We've had one of those days where everything I said was wrong.  Unfortunately it was also one of the few days when Ash didn't forget a single conversation and so kept returning to the subject again and again just to show me the error of my ways.  This I have to tell you is exhausting.  I realise it's not Ash speaking and I know it will all blow over but just sometimes I'd love him to recognise what a huge effort I'm making in trying to ensure that his life goes as smoothly as possible.  This of course is impossible and it's never going to happen.  When these moods grab him he has no idea what he's saying and would be mortified if he did so all in all I think I'm grateful that he doesn't understand.

There are so many reasons I think this is happening and why it's happening today but knowing those reasons doesn't help quite enough.  Anyway grit and determination have got us this far so I'm about to disappear into that space inside my head reserved for challenging moments.  It's a bit of a game but if I'm successful at creating my own peace I will have won some sort of victory over this thing called dementia and I think that's quite an achievement.

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