Minimizing the inches
I saw a post on fb yesterday which said 'only be with someone who loves every inch of you' and it set me thinking as most things do nowadays. Ash always used to make it so obvious he loved the way I looked whatever size or shape I was. This was excellent for my self esteem but not so good for my waist line as I rarely questioned whether his view of me was completely accurate. Things are different now. He still loves me I'm sure but he's not so good at showing it and his dementia means that more time is spent focusing on his own needs than on whether I look good today. As a result of this I've begun to look in the mirror a little more and notice that my clothes don't always fit in the right places which means that self esteem has been gradually declining for a while now. Where once I would have worn a bikini on the beach regardless of my size now I've bought a swim suit, where once I would have worn tight tops now I go for the baggy look. Something obviously had to be done! Now if nothing else having dementia in our lives has taught me that I cannot spend any more time leaning on Ash, that shoulder is no longer available and so whatever happens from now on is my responsibility. I can't diet, I have almost zero will power. When I realised a few years ago that my alcohol consumption was reaching giddy heights I stopped drinking, when I read about the dangers of consuming too many sweet things I stopped eating sugar. I'm definitely an 'all or nothing' girl so cutting down food intake isn't for me but what else to do? Last summer a friend had told me about the 'Couch to 5K' app which is a 9 week programme designed to get you running. As I am probably one of the least fit people I know I have spent the past 5 months thinking about this and putting off starting it however, with dieting out of the picture, something had to be done and an invitation to a wedding this summer was the final spur I needed. Add to that the fact that I could start while we were in Florida and no-one would know me and the time had definitely come. There are 3 runs per week (each week the runs get a little longer) and we were away for 2 full weeks so I packed my running shoes and made myself get started. This morning I've just completed the first of the 3 runs for this week and I am here to tell you that running early on a February morning along the back lanes of the Lincolnshire Wolds is nothing like running in the Florida sunshine. Instead of keeping an eye out for snakes and alligators I was dodging puddles and hopping onto the verge to avoid passing cars, Ben Johnson's laconic voice in my ear telling me when to walk and when to run which had sounded so perfect on holiday didn't quite match the surroundings back home, running on the road wasn't quite the same as making my way under the palm trees and around the lakes I'd become used to. Even the traffic was different - cars instead of golf carts. Anyway I DID IT and have gone from 1 minute runs the first week to 3 minute runs this morning. For all you proper runners out there this might not seem much but I am feeling VERY proud of myself. Who knows I may even look slim in my wedding outfit!