The many different versions of me
When Jake was 5 I had three different jobs in three different places. I would wake in a morning and, if I couldn't work out what day it was, I panicked because, if I didn't know what day it was I didn't know where I was supposed to be. Something similar is happening in our lives now. There are so many different versions of me nowadays that I sometimes find it difficult to remember who I'm supposed to be in any given circumstance. The list below isn't in any particular order but just shows how things are panning out.
- A mum - this one isn't too onerous as Jake and his family are very independent so actually they support us far more than we support them. I do however need to remember not to offload all of my thoughts and concerns on to them.
- A grandma - This one is just lovely and an area of joy in our lives that makes both of us smile.
- An employee - was going to call myself a worker but thought that made me sound too much like a bee or an ant. I only work 2 days a week and those days are very flexible which means I can generally plan my work around the things going on in my personal life. Work is however very, very varied so I frequently have more than one hat on per day which sometimes adds to my confusion.
- A wife/partner - This is so important but is changing by the day which also adds to the confusion. The role I played yesterday is not the same as today and will have changed all over again by tomorrow. On Saturday evening we had friends over for a meal (at Ash's suggestion which was lovely) so we were a normal couple; on Sunday we met friends for lunch at a local restaurant which meant we were almost a normal couple but I needed to go up to the carvery with him to help get his food; today I'm playing at keeping everything calm as someone is coming to do Ash's annual review and he's a little stressed by this so asking continually 'what am I supposed to be doing now?' and on it goes.
- A daughter (and an only child) - My mum is 90, as she will tell anyone she comes into contact with, in two months time but still lives independently. She has a lot of support in place but still relies on me to sort things out for her. This is sometimes challenging as she also hates the fact that she needs to rely on me for that support and doesn't like being told what to do. She's also increasingly unsteady on her feet but I obviously can't go rushing over every time she has a fall. Luckily she seems to bounce well and has only once ended up in A & E. Even then we got home from the hospital at 8.30pm and she walked up the stairs to bed then down the next morning for breakfast before returning to her bedroom to get dressed in her usual colour co-ordinated way. I try and keep a routine for this so go over once a week and phone her every evening.
- A friend - This situation we're in has really made me appreciate the importance of friends as you'll know if you've been following this blog for any length of time. I've always been lucky enough to have friends but I now make time to meet up with them and do nice things. We meet up for lunch, go to the cinema, visit the theatre and join them for weekends away. Some of these are with Ash but more likely just me meeting up with girlfriends, being able to switch off and having a good time. Also my friends are all so different that if I think of something I really want to do there is usually someone who will join me however mad it seems (an upcoming trip to London to see the new Dolly Parton musical springs to mind).
So many versions of me, each one different but all interlinked. Sometimes I think it would be interesting to peel away the layers and see what's at the centre but think that actually, as long as I have the balance right, we'll be ok.