Life is good (I think)
When viewed alongside many others our life is pretty good at the moment. Busy but good. You'll be pleased to know that Ash has his driving license back which has boosted his self-esteem and well-being beyond my wildest dreams as well as making life easier in an area where the nearest pint of milk is three miles away when there is none in the fridge. I haven't completely relaxed though (which is why there has been no big announcement) as he still has to undergo a cognitive assessment before this can be laid to rest for another twelve months. The assessment was supposed to happen last Monday but the OT was off sick and she hasn't yet re-arranged so we're ok for a while. The thing is his driving really is still up to scratch and I am sure he'll pass but there's always that little nugget of doubt burrowing it's way into the back of my brain. So that's one area of 'good'. Then there's my mum, still in hospital but, on yesterday's evidence, getting back on track with her mobility and balance as well as more with it mentally and still enthused about the next stage of her life. Even when she's driving me crazy I love the fact that she's considering a move to sheltered accommodation at the age of 89 years and 11 months 'something exciting to look forward to'. Then there's the knowledge that we have good friends around us. I met up with two of my oldest friends on Friday for lunch. We've known each other since school, they read this blog so know everything that's going on in my life but we still managed to talk solidly for four hours and only finished because we all really had to go home. And that's only two of them. There are the friends who are helping to clear mum's house, the friends who get in touch to check we're ok when I haven't posted on here for a couple of days, the friends who report back when they've seen Ash out and about and feel he's doing well. All of these bring a glow to our lives. BUT then Ash and I go over to mum's to get the tractor started so the field can be mown and to fill the back of the truck with 'stuff' to go in the skip and suddenly I realise how much has changed. The sun was out, the tractor, which used to be Ash's pride and joy, was chugging away but someone else was doing the mowing. The garage door was open, the truck was backed up but he couldn't work out what needed throwing out/what needed keeping and the anxiety built at such a rapid rate I suggested he took the dog for a walk while I got on with it. Most definitely not how it used to be. I try very hard, and manage most of the time, to live in the moment, to be grateful for the good things in our lives and to reflect on how much better things are now than they were even twelve months ago. There are moments however when the unfairness of it all takes my breath away. Then I give myself a shake and count my blessings all over again because the alternative isn't worth considering.
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