Be careful with that self-esteem
Every morning an email drops into my inbox from a website called Quora www.quora.com. For those of you that haven't heard of it this is a site where people post questions and others answer those questions. I'm usually sent the questions posed by Americans regarding life in the UK and the answers are generally amusing so every day I have a read. The idea is that you click on the link in the email which takes you to the relevant question on the site and then if you want you can scroll down to see what other questions have been asked. This morning I did just that. I read the question 'My husband is getting a job offer in Great Britain. We are Indians and will be there...?', I read the answer and then I scrolled idly down to the next question which was something like 'At what point did you realise your marriage was over?'. I clicked on it just because the part of the answer I could read seemed to say the guy realised his marriage was over while on his honeymoon and I wondered how he could have got things so wrong. Unfortunately that was the point at which Ash walked into the room, saw what I was reading and instantly put 2 and 2 together making 5. Mayhem ensued but luckily I had a completely clear conscience and could explain very clearly what I'd been reading and why so things calmed down very quickly. This was though a salutary lesson on the importance of being open and honest, of not pretending about your feelings, of remembering that the confidence Ash once had in himself is no longer there. I really am looking forward to finishing work and spending more time with him. I have plans (not all of which revolve around coffee with friends) and I have talked about those plans a lot. The funny thing is that I thought he wasn't interested or even listening but I was wrong. When I told him how much I was looking forward to having more time for us he said 'that's what I thought' and that's why he was so horror struck by what he thought was happening this morning. Many people struggle with emotions when living a life affected by dementia but this really did show me how important acceptance is. If you can accept the situation and the person your loved one is turning in to you won't have to pretend that it's all something it's not. If you do pretend you can be assured that they will know.
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