Feeling better

The last couple of days have been difficult but not for any particular reason except that I was tired.  Then last night I saw something on the news about the recent bombings in Sri Lanka.  There have been numbers involved since it first happened - number of people killed, number of people injured, number of bombers but to my shame they tended to blur in my ears a little so I listened but didn't connect.  This particular part of the story however mentioned an English man at the end of his holiday who had lost both of his teenage children in the bombings.  I looked at the photos of that brother and sister and realised my life isn't so bad after all.  They of course weren't the only family to be affected by this dreadful event but that photo on the TV screen was the one to pull me up short.  I have no idea how you even begin to cope with losing a child but I am certain that what we are dealing with and what we have to come cannot compare and so I put my head up, gave myself a shake and determined to stay with the positive.

In a kind of 'counting my blessings' way this also made me think about how far I've come since we got the diagnosis.  In the beginning every time I thought about the future I was frantic; every time I thought about the relationship we were losing I was distraught; every time I thought about how we would manage I panicked.  Yesterday, when I thought about it all, I realised that I no longer recognise that feeling of panic, I occasionally get distraught but it happens less and less and rarely lasts for more than a moment.  I am stronger than I was, I am more capable than I was and I still have that sense of humour intact.  I've come a long way I think.

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Sarah H said…
It’s so true that there is always someone worse off than us - we just need to acknowledge that from time to time. And . . . I can see how far you’ve come in the last year or so and it is good - I think you had qualities that you were not aware of!
Jane said…
I think I must have had so once again there's that realisation that this isn't all bad. All life is a learning curve it's just that we never know when to expect the steep parts.
Ann said…
Totally agree ladies.
Lesley said…
There is always someone worse of than you but when you are confronted with some of the harder parts of life it can be difficult to cope. You've managed so brilliantly because (a) you now know what you are dealing with and (b) have been strong enough to set a clear target and strategies to keep Ash happy. If you understand the problem and you can keep your loved ones happy you can cope with almost anything. So here's to a rich and happy life that works round the worst effects of dementia and doesn't let it pull either of you down. xxx
Michael said…
So true, all of you. We must stay strong, you are an inspiration to both us. We are with you both on this journey with the highs and lows.