I decided yesterday .....

........... that in a previous life I must have done something really bad.  Having left mum last week smiling and chatting at the tea table in the care home I arrived to visit yesterday with high hopes.  No such luck.  Apparently it's boring and there's no-one to talk to.  Didn't she join the scrabble group on Monday?  Oh yes and it was great fun.  Didn't she join the carpet bowls the day before?  yes and that was great fun too.  And how did she like the singing in the lounge on Tuesday?  It was wonderful.  And what would she be doing if she went home?  Silence!  I then went down to talk to the manager about her staying an extra three weeks with a view to her moving there permanently only to be told they really didn't think that, long term, they could meet her needs as they think she has dementia.  I cried (understandably I think) but then they told me about a new care home which had gained an 'outstanding' for care in it's first report.  I was given the address and contact details so decided to go and look immediately and I have to tell you it was wonderful.   Outside I wouldn't have given it a first glance never mind a second but inside they have a cinema, a pub, a beauty salon, a hairdressers and a shop.  It's in the middle of the city so they take residents around the corner to Costa (my mum loves a cappucino) or into town to look round the shops, the dining room is set out like a proper restaurant with an open kitchen and all the rooms are modern and en-suite.  They have three rooms available and it's cheaper than where she is now.  I quickly arranged for them to go and do an assessment with her and provisionally booked her in.  now it's fingers crossed it all works out.  What was really interesting though is that it didn't feel like an old people's home but more like  a community which filled me with hope on Ash's behalf.  One of the problems with early onset dementia is that, just as with other types of dementia, at some point the person living with it is likely to need full time care but most care homes are for old people and I've never been able to see him in one.  This was different and, although we don't need it yet, at least I now know there's something out there.  As usual I find that dealing with one problem often throws up a solution to another it's just knowing what to look out for and recognising when it happens.

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Ann said…
Jane, my heart sank initially (in sympathy) on reading the first few lines of your post. And even though my sensible self rejects the idea, I must confess when things have been especially tough, I too have wondered what evil acts I must have committed, in a previous life, to deserve so much suffering.

But then, as per, your positive attitude shone through and a solution was found. And what a wonderful solution too! The saying ‘as one door closes, another opens’ is so true. However you ‘get there’ (my method is to pray....but I appreciate that’s not for everyone) I do believe a positive attitude, like yours Jane, is the answer to new (and often better) opportunities opening up.

I’m keeping everything crossed, and will pray, that your Mum is accepted and enjoys her new home. Most especially I hope you and Ash have many, many years of contended living, before the possibility of extra care is needed. But if/when that time comes, it looks like you’ve already found a little bit of ‘heaven on earth’.xx
Jane said…
I really do think everything happens for a reason. In the moment I might not remember that's what I believe but when I've come out the other side I always look back and think 'now I see .....'.