One of those days

Yesterday was one of those days that made me question everything I thought I knew about us.  Did we laugh together? did we share glances across a crowded room? did Ash think I was amazing? was he always there for me?  So many things I thought to be true but maybe they weren't, maybe I imagined every bit of our life together and built it up to be something it wasn't.  Then, after an exhausting day when I felt emotionally battered and bruised, I remembered our 25th wedding anniversary.  Our honeymoon was spent on a campsite in the south of France.  One of those where the tent is already up and we went by coach which took hours and hours.  I was a month away from my 22nd birthday, Ash was 23 and we had our lives before us.  After 25 years of marriage, and at least 5 years before dementia began to rear it's ugly head, we went back to the same place but this time we flew to Nice, picked up a soft top hire car and drove to the village to stay in a hotel.  Our room opened up onto the side of a canal and I remember sitting on the steps in the evening, drinking wine, giggling and so obviously having fun that a passerby offered to take our photo.  That definitely wasn't a false memory and somewhere we still have the photos to prove it.  If you're in this situation hang on to those memories, don't lose them.  At some point they will be what gets you through.

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Lesley said…
You have had loads of wonderful happy times that definitely aren't a figment of your imagination ... because we were there to witness many of them! I will always remember Ash helping the kids rock-climbing and making us tea in the middle of a long walk with his amazing gas cylinder thing and making paella to die for ... lots and lots of lovely stuff to hang on to.
Jane said…
Thanks,that really helps especially when I spend most of my time with a husband/best friend I don't recognise and who is gradually disappearing before my very eyes.