Changing my expectations

I've been thinking back over yesterday and decided that I maybe need to change my expectations.  As a family certain dates have always been important; birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries etc and we've planned surprises for each other just for the fun of it.  Bottles of champagne have been produced on the first night at a hotel, picnics have been conjured out of nowhere on a day out, a box of chocolates would be waiting on my seat in the car if he came to collect me from work ........ the list goes on and on.  Quite often Ash would be the one creating the surprise but I did my share and so did Jake.  Even as Jake got older and became a grown-up presents were still surprises, outings were for fun and holidays were somewhere a little out of the ordinary.  We even had, and still have to a point, a competition between the three of us for the best cards each year.  Life is different now though and I think that's the problem.  Against all evidence to the contrary I still think deep down that Ash is going to be as excited as I am, that he's going to produce that surprise, that he's going to want things to be fun when all he really wants is for life to be calm and predictable, a place he can feel safe and secure.  He can't change how he feels so I have to change how I feel and if I can do that maybe those days and dates won't be quite so traumatic when we get to them.


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Comments

Ann said…
I too am finding ‘changing my expectations’ a hard lesson to learn. I’ll keep trying....