How things have changed

You may remember that a few months ago we went through a really difficult patch with shouting, tears and despair on both sides until, against all advice and known strategies, I drew my line in the sand.  Some way through that awful time a friend suggested that perhaps Ash was struggling with the fact that I'd recently given up work and whereas in the past he would have been able to put his feelings into words he couldn't now do that and so his struggles came out in his behaviour.  To my shame I hadn't considered that possibility but it was suddenly so obvious I wondered why it hadn't occurred to me.  I couldn't understand why I'd been so obtuse but I thought about it again last night and realised it was because in the past he wouldn't have had to put it into words just because none of it would have been a problem.   Ash would never have struggled with me being at home more but would have loved the fact that we could spend more time together.  A few years ago we went through a difficult time where, for reasons beyond our control, I spent hours and hours at work.  Each day he would call in to do jobs or help out in some way until eventually I said 'you don't have to come in every day you know'.  His reply?  'At least I get to see you'.  At that point we'd been together 35 years and I was overwhelmed by the fact that he still needed to be with me.  And that, my friends, is why it didn't occur to me that now he was having difficulties with me being at home more.  Life has certainly changed.

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