It's ok to be scared I think

When I think about it the events in the supermarket yesterday were a bit of a wake up call.  I know life is different to how it used to be but this new life is one I've got used to and feel quite settled in most of the time.  So much so that my mind had obviously begun to play tricks on me and I'd started, without realising it, to think that this was where we were going to stay.  Life had changed but this was the level we'd settled on.  Yesterday made me realise that life is continuing to evolve but not in a good way.  It won't all be bad obviously and in fact most of it, if managed properly, will be good but eventually the reality of dementia will set in and that's not something I'm particularly looking forward to.  This morning I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach and realised I'm just a little bit scared.  I know the feeling won't last (the usual thing of 'head up, shoulders back' always works if I try hard enough) but just for a moment there I could see into the future and it wasn't something to look forward to.

However, on a positive note am meeting up with a friend today for lunch and have a mega trip to 'Open House London'  ( tomorrow with another friend which we're both very, very excited about so life goes on and it's a pretty good one all considered.

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Ann said…
If it’s any comfort Jane, I recognise that ‘scared, and sick, at times’ feeling too. It’s normal, and most likely universal, when something enters your once secure life and ‘pulls the rug from beneath your feet’ as Dementia definitely has with mine.

On a positive note, it does pass. There will still be lots of lovely moments to share and enjoy with both Ash and your friends and family. I try to take one day at a time now, and not dwell too much on the future.

Have a lovely time Jane
Jane said…
I think it took me by surprise Ann as I haven't felt like that for ages but then there hasn't been such an obvious change in ability for ages. My couple of days out and about seem to have done the trick though so I feel back on track again.