That's not my .........

When reading John Suchet's book (My Bonnie: How Dementia Stole the Love of my Life) one of the things I noticed was how often he said 'that's not my Bon') and it made me think of the set of Usborne books 'That's Not My (penguin, tractor, plane, owl etc).  For those of you without little people in your life the basis of these books is that you're presented with something that looks almost the same as one you already have but it's slightly different - 'that's not my penguin, it's too shiny, that's not my tractor it's too fluffy' and so on.  This got me thinking and I started to draw up a list of my own.  You see the boy I fell in love with and the man I've grown up with over the past 43 years has turned into someone that's almost my Ash but not quite.  So here you go:

That's not my Ash he's
  • too irritable
  • too lacking in confidence
  • too cautious
  • too quiet
  • too calm
  • too old
And then there are all the other things in the same vein that don't quite fit into the flow of an Usborne book.

That's not my Ash he
  • wears shoes
  • hates surprises
  • dislikes uncertainty
  • needs routine
  • likes to spend his time in front of the TV
  • hates eating outside
  • gets nervous if I suggest spending a beautiful evening in the garden 
  • gets uneasy about DIY
  • feels inadequate
I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the gist of it all.  This Ash looks and sounds like my Ash but somehow an imposter has taken his place.  This man is a paler version of the one I chose to spend the rest of my life with and it's taking some getting used to.  This is also a life I never envisaged living and that I'm none too sure about.

Don't forget you can sign up to have this delivered straight into your inbox (just remember to click on the validation email which may not be in your inbox), you can share posts with others or you can email me at


Ann said…
It’s so hard, isn’t it Jane. I do understand, because it’s the same for me. In our case the change came literally overnight after my beloved was rushed into emergency heart surgery, that led to his Strokes, followed by a diagnosis of Vascular Dementia.

We know we all change with the passing years, but this is different. A complete personality transplant that’s very difficult to get used to. But because of our deep love, and in honour of the wonderful memories we have, we choose to carry on.

But it is this aspect, unlike other illnesses and diseases, that makes Dementia so devastating. Little by little the person we knew and loved slips away from us and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.