The ups and downs of me

I've written lots on here about Ash's mood swings but you will probably (definitely) have noticed I have them too.  We were never like that.  Ash was never moody and if I even thought of it I was told in no uncertain terms to snap out of it so, after the first few months of marriage, I realised it wasn't worth it.  As a result we rarely argued and mostly just laughed our way through our days together.  Life is no longer like that for either of us.  Ash's moods go up and down like a yo-yo depending on the weather, his stress levels, his expectations of himself, his energy levels ...... so many possible contributing factors that I rarely see the lows coming however hard I try to anticipate them.  My mood swings are different in that they seem to be connected to nothing in particular.  There is no single thing on any given day that I can say for certain will give me a high or a low and all I can do is welcome the highs and work through the lows.  Those days/evenings when I'm busy with friends are always highs but so too are some of the times Ash and I are together.  The times when I'm completely on my own aren't necessarily highs but they usually see me contented which is never a bad thing and we've got into a gentle routine of sorts which seems to have settled us but there are still those times when, out of nowhere, I panic about things to come or areas I'm struggling in now and I could shake myself because I know that none of it helps only I'm not used to it you see and as a result I'm never quite sure how to deal with it.  Yet another sign of how dementia has changed our lives.

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