Treading water

Do you ever feel you're treading water, that you're swimming against the tide and getting nowhere fast?  I've put strategies in place to make life easier so we watch quiz shows not only because Ash likes them but because it gives us something to talk about; I've learned to go to events on my own if he can't face people; I join friends who ask me to do things with them or they join me if I feel the need for active company (as opposed to Ash who is there but not really there); Jake will come over if I feel a need to escape responsibility for a while; I count my blessings on a regular basis; I bring memories to mind which make me smile but always I feel as though I'm marking time and that this is not how our life was meant to be.  I know this is selfish and that life could be so much worse but it could also be so much better and (although this could be due to the miserable weather I'm staring at through the window) today I really, really wish I could turn back time and we could be the people we used to be.

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