Christmas wish lists

A friend told me a couple of days ago about her wish list for Christmas, the top wish being that she could wake up to discover this dementia lark was all a mistake.  This started me thinking about my wish lists and I realised I had three separate ones.  There is the list of huge wishes none of which are likely to come true: world peace; winning the lottery etc. etc.  Then there is the general, more achievable list which includes cooking my first Christmas lunch ever without burning anything (however many times I say I've been spoiled over the years people still find it amazing that this will be the first time I've ever cooked Christmas lunch - or any sort of roast dinner for that matter).  And then there is the list I keep tucked away at the back of my mind, it's contents itemised in no particular order, but with a determination on my part not to look at it if I can possibly avoid it.  This is the list which, just like my friend's, includes waking up to discover the whole of the last two years have been a huge mistake and we can go back to being a 'normal' couple.   It also has lesser but equally unobtainable wishes such as Ash reaching for my hand unprompted; Ash putting his arm around me for no other reason than he wants to be close to me;  Ash wanting to join me on holiday to somewhere slightly unusual and off the beaten track; Ash suggesting we pick up a map and head off into the unknown for a walk with the dog; Ash looking at me with his old 'joy of the world' expression knowing that life is exciting and fun and that adventures are out there still to be discovered.  This is the type of wish list that I'm sure everyone sharing a life with someone who lives with dementia has hidden away somewhere but the trick I find is to keep it tucked securely away and hidden in the knowledge that if we accept life as it is we will rarely need to look at it.  Most of the time I find it's better to accept and make the best of reality rather than continue to wish for the impossible as that way madness lies.

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