To socialise or not to socialise, that is the question.

We had a lovely day yesterday with our annual visit, along with family and friends, to one of the oldest and nicest hotels in the county.  This is a once a year wildly extravagant treat when we get dressed up and travel an hour and a half to spend the afternoon in a sumptuous oak panelled dining room where Charles I may have eaten during his stay in 1641 so you can see this wasn't just any trip out.  Ash was really keen to go, there was no stress involved as we got ready, we didn't hurry and just made our leisurely way there ready to meet the family and friends.  There were six of us and Ash was at his best with 'host mode' to the fore.  He chatted, joined in with people-watching, enjoyed the food and was genuinely part of the group BUT (and there is always a 'but' nowadays) we then had the long drive back and by the time we got home he had no recollection whatsoever of where we'd been, who we'd been with or why we'd gone out.  This I think is one of the saddest parts of dementia.  It doesn't just take away memories of the past, it takes away memories of the present and in doing so removes all enjoyment of life as it is.  I thought about that as I lay in bed and realised that when I struggle to sleep one of the things that allows me to relax is to remember things we've done that have made me smile and in the remembering they make me smile all over again.  Ash doesn't have that and not only are the day's events lost but he knows they're lost and it frightens him which in turn makes him bad tempered which in turn means he remembers even less and right there and then a whole new vicious circle starts.  On top of all that, and the thing I find most difficult, is the fact that we can't sit and discuss what a lovely time we've had because he has no idea what I'm talking about so he snaps at me and that makes it all so much worse.  So was yesterday worth it?  For me it was and, I think, for the people we were with but will we do it next year?  Possibly not.

Don't forget you can sign up to have this delivered straight into your inbox just remember to click on the validation email (which may be in your junk mail/trash box).  You can share specific posts with others by clicking on the 3 dots at the top right hand corner of the page, you can share the blog by copying and pasting the web address or you can email me at if you have anything you want to say privately.


dasntn said…
My moto has become "live for the moment". Not the memory of the moment, which can't be shared any more, but for the moment itself. That can still be good.
Jane said…
That's a very good motto which I'm trying to live by but don't always manage. However I will now try harder because you're quite right of course and, as usual, it's my expectations which let me down.
Jane said…
'dasntn' your comment on this has made me completely rethink my view of yesterday and I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders so I owe you a huge THANK YOU. Think I might sleep tonight!
dasntn said…
Hi Jane

so glad that my comment helped you. I don't always manage it either, but it helps to try!
Hope you did manage to sleep well
Jane said…
I did, and I remembered what you said while we were out yesterday and it made all the difference once again so I slept last night as well.