Two years on

Exactly two years ago today we were sent on our way from the Memory Clinic with the word 'dementia' ringing in our ears.  We drove home in silence and then prepared for the gradual decline in abilities that we knew was coming.  As you'll know if you've been following this blog for any length of time it hasn't quite worked out that way  but when I sat down to write today's post I realised I wasn't  sure how far we'd come since that dreadful day as living with it on a daily basis makes it hard to tell.  I recently discovered that there's a search option at the top of each blog post so I decided to find the post from last year (if you want to read it then look for the little magnifying glass symbol at the top right of the page and type in 'one year on') to see what I'd written all those months ago.  Interestingly from what I wrote then not much seems to have changed in the last twelve months and I realised that, although many of Ash's skills and abilities have declined, the changes I've made to our lifestyle have meant that his mental well-being is much the same as it was then if not better.  I also know that my mental well-being is much, much better too and currently life feels pretty good.  All of this is a direct result I think of my (almost) complete acceptance of our situation.  I say 'almost' because I wouldn't be human if I didn't very, very occasionally wish we could go back in time but then I realise it's mostly so that I could appreciate what we had then and take the time to savour it.  I really wouldn't want to go back to those days when we sometimes passed like ships in the night, where I couldn't think about anything but work and where I found it almost impossible to relax.  What I'd really like I think is to combine what we have now (time together, space to think) with what we had then (a shared sense of humour, a joint love of life, a partnership in every sense of the word).  I am however a realist and realistically  none of that is an option so I'm learning to love what I have and try not to look too far ahead.   The quote/image I used 12 months ago seems to me still very relevant so forgive me if I use the same one today but it is one of my favourites after all.

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