A dark beginning

Today began with bleak feelings and dark thoughts.  Those of loss, frustration, despair and resignation not helped by waking at 4am and being unable to get back to sleep.  I never function well on too little sleep and these mornings always seem to be the ones where Ash is struggling more than normal.  I'm sure then that the problem lies with me; I'm battling tiredness so am short tempered which in turn makes life difficult for him and so we go on in ever decreasing/depressing circles.  The one thing I do know now though is that these feelings won't last and they didn't.  By the time we got home from shopping I was feeling much better and when he came through to say he couldn't remember where all the groceries went it was actually a relief.  This is the latest of the changes in our situation.  Ash used to do all the shopping; then he drew up the list and we went together; then he drew up some of the list but we still went together; then I drew up the list, we still went together and he was in charge at the checkout; then I had to put things through the checkout and hand them to him to put in the bags but he still put things away when we got home.  Today he put some of the things away but then his memory failed him however the thing I noticed was that he didn't get stressed or anxious but instead just came to tell me and the more he acknowledges he needs help the easier it all is even if it is a reminder of his deterioration.

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Lesley said…
You are doing SUCH a brilliant job, Jane - this post just sums it up. xx