From despair to delight in considered steps

In my previous life I rarely despaired and if I did Ash was always there to help me up.  Now, although it happens far less frequently than it did in the beginning, I do occasionally find myself in the depths but have only myself to rely on to find a way out.  So, if I'm in despair, what's to do?  Most of my reaction I have to say is instinctive.  I tend to look for the positives and find things to do which interest me and take my mind to another place so yesterday I despaired when I woke and reached for Ash's hand only to find him flinching and pulling away but then I went for a walk with friends and in the face of fresh air and great company the despair vanished to be replaced by delight.  This morning when I woke there was only delight because I knew that my weekly walk with today's friend would take us somewhere new, somewhere we hadn't been before and I couldn't wait to get started.  My lesson here is that when you only have yourself to rely on to find delight in your life you need things to look forward to, things to organise and ways to feel in control.  My weekly walks cover all of that, and I can't believe how much better I feel because of them, but I have other things too such as lunches out, amateur theatre events, the cinema, coffee with friends, all sorts of things some of which I'm trying for the very first time.  Over the next four months I have a holiday organised, a weekend away planned and a day in London to look forward too all of which need precise preparation in order for them to happen but the thing is they are possible, I just need to find a way.  The other thing I've realised is that I need to plan for the future.  What happens when I'm no longer able to go out?  I wrote about this only a few days ago and had several suggestions in response but it was the walks which got me thinking.  How do I carry those on?  You'll be pleased to know, I hope, that I've come up with a solution which isn't perfect but might just do the job.  I'm thinking about buying a walking/running machine when the time comes along with dvds of great walks which I can watch at the same time as using the machine.  I may not have the fresh air but I'll get the exercise while watching the scenery of places I've never visited.  The fresh air itself can come in short bursts from being out in the garden.  How's that for a plan?  Remember, you need a way or ways to survive in a situation like this so if you have similar difficulties I suggest you start your planning as soon as possible.  That way there will be far more delight in your life than despair and that I think is the only way forward.

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