Taking control of the small stuff

This morning a question from a friend and a throwaway remark in my reply made me think about our bedroom.  I've talked about this before and if you're living a life affected by dementia you probably won't be surprised to hear that sex doesn't feature very highly in our lives nowadays.  In fact I can say with great certainty that it won't feature at all in any shape or form ever again but I realised this morning that because I was feeling unloved so I'd fallen out of love with our bedroom.  Instead of being a place we escaped to it had become a reminder, to me at least, of what's missing in our lives and I'd begun to ignore it.  As a result the surfaces were covered in dust, the corners were filled with unwanted items and the whole place was just depressing so this afternoon I've set to, cleaned it from top to bottom, ordered new plump pillows and am about to order new bedding.  There are fairy lights strung everywhere and it's starting to look a little more like a boudoir than a dusty storage room.  I haven't quite progressed to cushions because I've never really seen the point but I'll let you know if I come round to them.  The most important thing is that once again I've done something positive, quite a small thing but it's made me feel better and just proved all over again that taking control is far, far better for me than spending my time thinking about what's disappearing at an ever increasing speed.

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Vron Clarke said…
Thanks so much for your blog. I could relate to this so much & hadn’t realised this was exactly what I had done... albeit I was forced to clean and pretty our bedroom up as I’ve made the tough decision to sell and downsize. The result however is that I love my bedroom space again.... until reading your blog I hadn’t realised why I had fallen out of love with this space so much of what we deal with is at an unconscious almost survival level. Thank you 🙏
Jane said…
The decision to downsize must have been difficult Vron but, without wanting to sound flippant, at least you'll know what you want your new bedroom to look like! When I can't sleep I frequently redesign this house we're now in but without Ash's input so I can have it exactly as I want it. Up to now, in my mind's eye, it's looking pretty darn good!

Not sure if you're new to the blog but I did write a post on sex and dementia a while ago. If you didn't see it and want to find it just look for the magnifying glass top right of this page, type in 'sex' and it should come up. Actually now think I have more I want to say on the subject but it might resonate with you.