Focusing on the new

So I've made the decision not to celebrate Valentine's Day this year and knew Ash wouldn't notice on the day but, as we headed around the supermarket this morning, I braced myself for the usual comments, questions and jokes. How to bat them away?  How to explain without hurting his feelings? Even though I knew he really wouldn't mind, in fact would barely register that it wasn't happening, we were surrounded by red; red chocolate wrappers, red roses, red cards, the works and I felt I should have that explanation ready just in case.  How we fool ourselves, those of us in a relationship affected by dementia.  Of course he didn't comment, of course he didn't make the usual jokes.  He doesn't notice the world around him any more or, if he does, he certainly doesn't connect any of it to 'us'.  In the past he would have joked about the whole thing but he would still have made it special, now though 'we' play no part in his life and that's taken some getting used to.  I always say however that there are benefits to this new life I'm now living and this morning was one of them.  A friend and I went out for one of our weekly walks and, despite the wind, we found the Lincolnshire Wolds lit up with sunshine, the views were amazing (don't believe anyone who tells you that Lincolnshire is flat) and we found our very souls soaring as we stood and looked around us.  To be perfectly honest the absence of Valentine's Day pales into insignificance at the memory of that walk.

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