it's a bewildering life

I've decided that the only way to get through this is, as much as possible, to put a lid on any emotions I have with regard to Ash.  Life with my real husband was full of hugs and cuddles but this one is much more self contained so for reasons of self preservation I make sure I expect nothing and then I'm not disappointed.  Except this morning he rolled over in bed and gave me a huge hug.  It took me completely by surprise and was totally bewildering but I recovered myself, gave him a hug back and then went to make the tea, emotions still mostly in check.  When I got back normality had resumed and not even hand holding was on offer but he was in a good mood and happy so, all in all, not a bad start to the day.  Not only that but, in the absence of the plumber and a fixed water tank, I managed to get in and out of the shower before the hot water ran out (think 'old video machine on fast forward' and you'll get the picture) so am now ready to face the day with renewed vigour and a feeling that life is actually quite good at the moment.  There are definitely blessings to be counted if you look hard enough.

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