People treat you as they see you

I was listening to an interview on step parents this morning and the interviewee, who was a step mother herself, was asked if she felt people had ever treated her differently because of her role.  She thought about it for a moment and then said no she didn't think that had ever happened but she also thought it was because she was quite confident in what she was doing and that in her opinion 'people treat you as they see you'.  I like this view very much and can see how it relates to every one of us.  How many times have you looked at someone and thought 'they seem arrogant, I don't think I'll bother with them' or 'she seems miserable and I don't need anyone else's stress' or 'wow, she's amazing and obviously doesn't need anything from me'?  So from one angle it's obvious that we shouldn't judge by appearances.  The person who appears arrogant is quite possibly covering up a big inferiority complex, the one who seems miserable may just have that kind of face and the one who has everything under control may just be falling apart at the seams in private.  In those cases we shouldn't be quick to judge, we need to take the time to find out.  However there's the flip side.  How do we want people to view us?  Do we want to be known as the miserable one, the arrogant one?  I won't ask if we want to be known as the amazing one because I'm sure we all want that but we do need to think about this and to remember that comment 'people treat you as they see you'.   We obviously don't want to try and become someone we're not but if we want people to spend time with us I think we do need to project either the people we really are or (and where's the harm in this?) the people we'd like to be.  When you're suddenly thrown into our situation (and many others, I know, but I only have room in my head for dementia at the moment) it's easy to be despondent, to wallow in misery, to be all consumed by it but we shouldn't be defined by it.  So let's try and become the sort of people others want to be with, the sort of people we ourselves want to spend time with and see what a difference it makes.  I'm very sure that it will become a self fulfilling prophesy if we try hard enough.

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Anonymous said…
My philosophy has always ben act it and you will become it or fake it til you make it!!
Jane said…
definitely the way forward I'd say.