Who's really in charge in a relationship?

Before dementia, when life was normal, I think people thought I was the one in charge in this relationship and to be honest, although it was a very equal partnership, I had the illusion that most things were down to me.  Now dementia is very much in our lives I realise what an illusion that really was, a fact brought home to me (and not for the first time) this morning.  The freezer stopped working on Wednesday night.  It was very old and we rarely have much in it nowadays so I suggested buying a smaller one and putting it in a different shed to the one that's housed a freezer for the past twenty years.  This went down much better than I expected and after a painless shopping experience we came home and looked at the freezer's prospective new home.  Unfortunately that new home needed far more preparation that I'd realised so I did my usual thing and shut the door on it all and left it for another day.  That other day was today and I couldn't put off the challenge any longer.  I gently told Ash that I was going to clear the shed and, as I thought he would, he put on his coat and came out to 'help'.  Now in the past he would have sorted it all himself and this was when I realised that I'd never really been in charge at all.  I had no idea what anything was for, I didn't know how or where to store the tools and I didn't know what to keep and what to throw out.  Outside, you see, had never been anything to do with me (in fact, when I think about it, inside hadn't either really).  The difficulty was that Ash had no idea either.  We both stood and looked at it all and I could feel the anxiety coming off his body in waves so obviously something had to be done.  I rolled up my sleeves, waded in and got on with it.  Drawers were emptied, a pile was created for the recycling centre, bin bags were filled and the odd item or two were put aside for the charity shop.  Those things Ash thought he still needed but obviously hadn't used for years I hid away in a drawer to lay forgotten until they are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, no longer needed and within an hour the contents of the shed were so much reduced that there was space for the freezer, the lawnmower and all the really necessary tools with space to spare.  It looks amazing, we're both feeling very proud of ourselves and I have a definite sense of achievement.

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