And the theory continues .............

The tale of this morning actually follows on from yesterday's musings I think.  Went over to friends to collect some logs, filled the back of the truck with them and then came home.  No fuss, no drama, just a job quickly done and my plan was to leave Ash to unload the wood into his 'yard' (aka 'corner at the top of the garden') then come home tonight to the smaller pieces next to the fireplace ready for adding to the grate.  That was my plan but, as often happens, fate hadn't read my plan and the reality was Ash looking at his 'yard' and deciding he might as well get rid of the old wood in order to make room for the new which completely defeated the collection of those logs which were supposed to see us through the winter.  I almost agreed with him in the hope that he would forget all about it but there are some things which lodge in his head and I knew this would be one of them then a statement from him that he would need at least three trips to the tip to get rid of it all forced me to disagree and drama ensued.  Because of course I know nothing of what wood we need, what can be used for kindling, what's useful for logs and what is absolutely useless altogether and this was put to me in no uncertain terms; except that I do know.  I may not have figured out yet how to use a chainsaw but I have, lots of times in the past, wielded an axe to create sticks for lighting the fire and I do remember which pieces were put to one side because Ash said they would be useful for just that purpose.  I can also see the thick branches we've collected over the years which will be perfect for keeping the fire going.  The thing is that, just as with the map reading etc, this was always Ash's domain and sometimes I think he looks around him and is suddenly overwhelmed by it all.  Not only that but he has no faith that I can deal with it in his place.  We did manage to talk about it calmly and collectively after a while but the one thing I can guarantee nowadays is that he won't remember any of that discussion and this certainly won't be the last difficult episode we have regarding wood for the fire.


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Comments

dasntn said…
Hi Jane

glad to hear it worked out in the end. A calm and happy environment is what I think we all aim for, for the sake of both parties.

Worth remembering that, if needed, more firewood can always be bought - sometimes maintaining harmony means letting the wrong thing happen (dumping good wood) and fixing it later.

all the best
David

Jane said…
Collecting the firewood was a way to avoid having to buy it as, having given up work, life isn't quite as easy as it once was. If I really have to I will but think, for the moment, this is one of the few battles I choose to fight (or at least put my foot down about). Actually have just realised that we have several friends who would chop it for us so if I asked so if necessary that could be a way forward and all I would need to do would be to get Ash out of the way for a few hours. Will now keep that thought at the back of my mind for when it's needed.
dasntn said…
I understand about the money issue!
Another idea - if you had friends that could store the wood, if Ash insists on getting rid of it, maybe they could hold onto it for a while?
Jane said…
Actually had just that conversation yesterday with the friend who gave it to us in the first place and she said if we need to take it back until we're completely ready for it then we can but having got over that one particular hurdle we seem to be back on track. I think, sometimes, it's no bad thing for me to put my foot down. Thanks for all the advice David and please keep it coming, it makes a difference.
dasntn said…
Hi

OK - will keep up with the advice! Was thinking about your post this morning, and how you wanted to put your foot down, so I came back to look at this site, and saw your update.

I understand completely- even though we never really argued much, I do miss having a "robust" discussion with my wife. But there comes a time with dementia when winning the argument isn't important or even the right thing to do. For someone to win, someone else has to lose, and if that person is already less able to cope with things, do we really want that?

So I came to see 'winning the argument' had changed to coming up with a strategy that achieved the desired outcome, without causing undue stress or issues for my wife (or me!) - a Win/Win strategy. It's still winning, it just looks different!

Take care

David
Jane said…
really like the idea of coming up with a strategy to achieve the desired outcome and will try much harder to do that in future. thanks.