A different sort of walk

Just been for a walk together for the second time in two days and it was ok.  We 'chatted', admired the views and Ash took photos.  We were out for around an hour and a half which is quite a hike for him nowadays and if you'd seen us you would have thought everything was just hunky dory and close to normal.  I came home to write this and was about to tell you how wonderful it all was, what fun we'd had and how much I enjoyed it but then I realised that it might help some of you to know what it took to do that walk and how different it was to walks in the past.  Not so you feel sorry for me but so that you know, if your life with dementia isn't picture perfect, then you're not on your own.  In the past, as you know by now, Ash would have been in charge, I would have followed his lead and we really would have chatted all the way round.  We would have put the world to rights, discussed how the lockdown is affecting us, admired the views and worked out what we could see and he would have teased me and made me laugh every minute of that walk.  Today he had to be coaxed round and I had to be able to point to landmarks that he recognised just so that he was reassured at all times that we weren't far from home.  Conversation consisted of me commenting on things I could see and sections where the views would be amazing but all of those were met mostly with silence and I finished that excursion feeling more exhausted than any solo walk which takes me twice the time and where I cover twice the distance.  The joy's gone you see; there are still moments of happiness, and if he's happy then so am I, but there is no real joy and that's what I miss.   Last week I wrote about dreaming big and following those dreams sooner rather than later just in case you run out of time; today I'm saying seize every moment of joy in your life, truly relish it and commit it to memory as you never know when it will all be gone.

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