Social stimulation - a necessity?

Ever since Ash's diagnosis I've been trying to get my head around support groups; for him, for me or for both of us.  I'm not very good in groups you see and he's never been a group person at all but we've been told again and again from a variety of sources that he needs social stimulation to keep his brain active.  This is in most books, almost all fact sheets, on forums and anywhere housing professionals who are supposed to know these things but it never sat right with me.  Ash has never needed groups, he's never needed company just for the sake of it and he's always been perfectly happy at home so I kept putting off the moment where I found a group that he could attend.  And then the lockdown arrived and I've discovered I was right and although he has dementia he still doesn't need groups.  What he does need is to be at home where he's comfortable and confident and he needs me here too but a me who's happy to be here and not spending her time wishing she was elsewhere.  The odd thing is that one of the reasons I liked to meet up with friends was for conversation and humour.  Now we're both more relaxed and he's confident I'm happy with my lot there is more conversation and laughter between us than there's been for a very long time.  I have no idea how long this will last but for the moment there are worse ways to be spending our days.  So the lesson here is that you don't need to follow the crowd, you don't need to do as the professionals tell you just because you think they know more than you.  What you do need to do is pause, observe and work out what's right for you and your loved one.  And don't think you're doing it just for them either.  If they're calm and relaxed your life will be so much better than you ever thought possible and there are ways round all those things you think you're giving up you just need to think outside that box I've been talking about.


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Comments

Unknown said…
It's true Jane.My mum doesn't need lunch clubs,day centres etc, she just needs contact with her loved ones. Just because it's the right thing for many, it's not the right thing for everyone. One size doesn't fit all. Do, or don't do,what you feel is right.
Jane said…
You're right. My mum was described recently by the manager of her care home as a social butterfly and when she was at home her idea of heaven would have been a different group every single day. Unfortunately in her village there was one a week and it's why she so much better living where she does now with company around her all the time. Ash on the other hand would have that as his idea of hell. This lockdown has made me realise that what he needs to stimulate his brain is peace, quiet and a feeling of total wellbeing.
dasntn said…
So true! One size most definitely does not fit all, but the societies that aim to help dementia suffers seem to focus on what it is easier to provide - a group - rather than thinking about the individual needs. It's a shame!
Jane said…
Also I think they're stuck in the thought that everyone wants to be with other people. A bit like those who like cruising thinking it's something everyone should try. It's great for some but not for others.