'Eureka!' moment

You may have noticed that our life at the moment is full of ups and downs, how one moment everything in the garden's lovely and the next I'm in total despair and maybe you, like me, are wondering why I can't just keep it all on an even keel.  I do try and most of the time it's ok but then, just as I begin to relax and start thinking we're really happy again, something happens and it all comes crashing down.  I've thought and thought about this as I do most things and really had no explanation until yesterday when someone got in touch to give me an idea of what she and her husband go through every so often and what happens when they're through it and I realised that she was describing my feelings and the events in this house.  When Jake was little I felt that we lurched from one phase to another and just when I'd got the hang of what he could do he was off into the next phase and could do completely different things.  I remember that at one point he could say 'please' but not 'thank you' and then, when I realised that and accepted it, suddenly he could say 'thank you' but not please.  It drove me crazy because I never quite knew where I was and I always felt I was playing catch-up and now I know the same thing is happening with Ash but instead of developing new skills and moving forward he appears to be losing old skills and moving backwards and each time he begins to lose a skill I think he gets frightened and when that happens he gets cross and I get upset and we start that downward spiral until it all comes out and we settle down and begin again with our new normal.  Having read that bit back it seems that life is mostly difficult but I've also suddenly realised that once we're through the black bits he finds a new confidence in the skills and abilities that remain and suddenly regains his old cheery self so my challenge now is to try and stay ahead of the game, to pre-empt the next stage and divert us around the crisis.  Watch this space to see if I manage it.

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