Show and tell

So I think I've learnt, mostly, when to speak and when to be quiet but, as someone said on Twitter, it's then what to say and how to say it when it's time to speak and that I haven't quite got the hang of.  Yesterday afternoon we gathered our things together ready for a walk with the dog and Ash hadn't picked up a coat.  The sky was black and rain was forecast so I said, exactly as I had on a similar day last week, 'You'll need your coat'.  Last week that suggestion was met with 'oh, ok, that's a good idea', yesterday the whole episode turned into something from a soap opera with shouting, snapping and the information that he was perfectly capable of deciding whether he needed a coat or not and he definitely didn't.  I was stunned and hit by an emotion that I thought was anger and I felt guilty because I know he can't help it but that didn't make me feel any better.  So my 'anger' continued and the walk was a disaster as were the hours that followed when we got home.  In fact we weren't back on an even keel until tea time when suddenly my world seemed to right itself and I just felt anxious about how I'd behaved because I should have been more understanding.  It's only today that I've realised it wasn't anger I felt but grief.  Grief for the friend I've lost, the man who could always make me laugh no matter how bad I felt and who would never in a million years have shouted because I'd suggested he needed a coat in case of rain.

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Madisonwhite said…
well said and you made think about how many times I choose not to speak now
Jane said…
It's amazing how quietly it all creeps up on us isn't it? One day you're an equal partner in a relationship and then you realise everything's tilted on it's axis.