Which me should I choose?

I think I may have asked this question before, albeit in a different guise, but here we go regardless.  Have you ever wondered what sort of person you're going to be when you're out the other side of this?  Have you taken this opportunity to reinvent yourself or have you just become more of the same?  Some people are patient and wise anyway which would really help when living alongside dementia while others had no patience before dementia came along and have even less now but who will you be and who will I be?  Before all of this I was one of the least patient people I knew.  I wanted everything NOW, I wanted life to be perfect and I wanted to be happy as much as was humanly possible.  The minute I was out of my comfort zone I turned into a screaming dervish and if I couldn't do something easily I handed it over and walked away.  Now if you know anything at all about dementia you'll understand that a personality like that isn't going to deal well with the trials and tribulations that accompany the disease and so it was.  I struggled and struggled to make sense of it all, to live in the moment, to lower my expectations and, unexpectedly, over two years later I seem to be almost there and feel I can face the future with equanimity.  But the question remains, what sort of person will I be or, maybe a better question, what sort of person do I want to be?  I've always been a control freak which, once I'd got over the fact that I really couldn't ask Ash for his opinion, certainly helped but the rest of it was new to me and some of it I'm still learning.  I do know however that I'm a completely different person now to the one who was caught off guard by that dreaded diagnosis and I quite like this new me so I've decided that if anything good is to come of all of this it will be that the me who emerges blinking from the tunnel must be someone I'm proud of, someone who isn't afraid of anything, someone whom others are pleased to call their friend.  If I can do that then this just might not all have been a struggle in vain.


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