A momentous day

Today is the day I drove the truck out of the drive for the last time, the event which said, more than anything else, that Ash's driving days were over and I was very sad.  Whether Ash was sad is a question that remains unanswered as I have absolutely no idea.  I'd arranged to deliver the truck after lunch and just assumed that I would do it on my own but he decided otherwise and I was at a loss as to what to say or how to deal with it when he said he wanted to reverse it out of it's parking space and put it onto the track for the last time so watched silently as he did just that.  Truck delivered we walked back home and it hasn't been mentioned since.  Ash's truck was the second love of his life after the dog (I come quite a long way down that list nowadays I think) but he doesn't seem to have shed a tear and he won't talk about it.  He's never been one for introspection or deep conversations so that part of it isn't unusual but what I'm finding difficult to deal with is that I really, really don't know what he's thinking.  Even if he didn't talk about stuff I always had a good idea what was going on in his head but this man who I've shared my life with for over forty years is now a complete stranger, an imposter, someone I don't recognise one little bit and it feels very odd.

On the plus side for today I've just used the lawn mower we brought over from mum's and, unlike Ash's huge machine, this one didn't deliver me into the flower bed before I'd had time to gather my thoughts so that's one more thing to add to my list of new skills which seems to be getting longer by the day.


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Comments

Frank said…
I love and look forward to reading your blog. I appreciate the details of your changing life. You paint a picture of what's going on in your mind, the emotions. It is difficult dealing with those who won't share their thoughts. Being a man, I find that most men do not share their thoughts. It makes conversation difficult.
Karen said…
I sold my husband’s truck a year ago and he still mentions it but he does understand why
. It was a big Ford diesel that we used for camping. I think that generally men get attached to cars more than women. I would love to trade both of our cars in for one new one but they are both in great shape and we don’t need to spend money on a new one.
Dr2n said…
Just yesterday, my husband, who the doc says is heading toward dementia, asked where his boots are. They are the boots he was wearing when I fist met him 41 years ago. I started to explain that they were gone several moves ago but instead I just told him I'd look and see if I could find them. Funny what he asks about these days. Anyway, thanks for sharing. Again.
Gill Court said…
I have recently discovered your blog and I love the honesty that comes from your writing. Dealing with Dementia is really tough for all of us and that isn't just the person with Dementia. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's back in July 2014 at the age of 56 and he had it for a couple of years prior but in common with many people I suspect it took us 18+ months to get to diagnosis. He had a fabulous blue sports car which was his pride and joy. He wasn't going to do anything following diagnosis so I had to contact DVLA thinking they would just put him through a test to ensure he was road safe. But they revoked his licence straight away and he told me to get rid of the car that week. Bless him the other day I had a really small space to manoeuvre into and he offered to do it for me. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I look forward to reading your blog every day.
Jane said…
I wish this blog would let me reply to comments individually but it doesn't so we have to go with what's available. I love all the comments that are coming at the moment and it seems to me that the more honest I am about the way I feel the faster the comments and emails come. thank you so much for following my posts. writing them makes a huge difference to me and knowing there are other people out there who really know how I feel helps even more.