A small curve ball is a learning experience

A while ago I posted about the fact that, at the start of every day, I would say 'Good morning' to Ash and he would respond with 'what?' which drove me to distraction.  This morning I realised I've really moved on with this and now have no need to say good morning to him at all.  It adds nothing to his day or mine, is no indication of what sort of mood he's in or what kind of day we're heading for and gradually that comment has become a thing of the past.  Once upon a time I would have been saddened by that but I've now become a grown up and settled for what makes life easy for both of us.  Talking to Ash and expecting a response as soon as he wakes up makes life just a tiny bit unsettling for him and not getting the response I want makes life very unsettling for me so why carry on?  Instead, along with the reinvention of myself that I've been talking about (which is currently ongoing), I now have a little world going on inside my head.  This isn't a creepy thing I promise but it gives me somewhere to escape to whenever I need it, makes me relax in Ash's company and takes away any temptation I might have to expect more than he can give which makes life much more laid back for both of us.  So all good there and we're in a lovely routine with day to day living which also helps and life moves along at a gentle pace.  At least until it throws a curve ball as it did this morning.  This was a very small curve ball and me learning what to do wasn't in anyway impressive but I'm still feeling quite pleased with myself.  Ash has always been in charge of the vehicles in this family.  He knew when each MOT was due; when they were ready for a service and when to check the tyres, oil and water; he refilled the screen wash and generally made sure they were roadworthy and ready to drive.  So when I got behind the wheel this morning and noticed a yellow light in the shape of an oil can I panicked a little.  I told him and said, stupidly, 'does that means it needs oil?' to which he replied 'I have no idea' and that threw me even more.  I'm sure you're puzzled by my surprise and so am I now but at the time it still seemed natural for me to make the comment and then expect him to leap into action.  But of course he can't so it was time for those shoulders to move back, the chin to go up and my newly found problem solving skills to get to work.  I got out of the car, lifted the bonnet, checked the dip stick and discovered the barest covering of oil at the very bottom of it.  Quick think then carry on to town where I bought oil, unscrewed the cap with the oil can on it and poured the container of oil into it.  Job done, problem solved and something else to add to my CV.  A very small thing in the scheme of life but yet another notch on my belt and something else to add to my feeling of well-being.

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Frank said…
It's true, we don't and can't appreciate a good thing until it's gone. My wife has for some time done less and less cleaning. Now she does none. I have picked the slack. At first I did provisional cleaning, just what had to be done. I've been finding how dirty things can become, especially those things that I didn't look at closely. I've had to start cleaning appliances, large and small. I never noticed them before. It makes me sad too to realize that my wife doesn't notice the dirt and doesn't complain about it. I must figure out had to do the manly things that must still be done and how to do the added work that my wife once did. Just like you.
Jane said…
I've found that the way to do it is to look on it all as a challenge. I could always cook but never had to because Ash did it so, when he stopped and I had to start again, I decided to look up new recipes, create a whole new diet for us and make it interesting. the only drawback is that now I can cook interesting dishes I have no-one to appreciate them! Same with gardening, never done it before but decided if I was going to have to do it I might as well learn how to do it properly. garden now looks better than it's looked for years. It just depends on your perspective.
Tehachap said…
It's the things we've come to expect our other half to do automatically that make us feel helpless when we realize they can no longer do what they used to do. But reacting to the situation by tackling it head-on is the right attitude.