Being patient

When I was growing up it was just my mum and me.  My mum ran her own business and worked long hours and sometimes there was money for treats and sometimes there was just about enough money to live.  My mum had a vision for our future and if she'd had a good year with the business she went for the vision but if it had been a bad year then she (mostly) reigned in her dreams and we made do.  When I was 16, after a particularly good summer, we spent two weeks in Barbados; the next year was particularly difficult so we went to Sutton on Sea (small seaside village in Lincolnshire) for a long weekend.  No comparison, obviously, only what it taught me was to have big dreams as my long term goals but not to hanker after what I couldn't have or couldn't do.  That, I think, has been one of the most valuable lessons I learned from her and is definitely standing me in good stead through Ash's dementia.  I forgot the lesson at the very beginning I admit;  I wanted our old life back, I wanted Ash back and I floundered as I realised neither of those things were going to happen.  Then I began to accept my new world as it was and things became easier but now I've remembered that lesson and realised that I may have to wait, and I may have to wait for years and years, but, even if I can't have what I want now, if I dream big enough and long enough eventually I'll be exactly where I want to be.  Yesterday's post prompted more comments and emails than anything I've ever written with a consensus that, in the situation in which we find ourselves, having at least one dream is what keeps us going but we must also have the knowledge I think, that we can't necessarily have everything we want when we want it and sometimes we just have to wait patiently for our time to come.  So it might be a trip to the other side of the world to visit family and friends; it might be a whole week to yourself in peace, quiet and solitude; it might be a return to the place you love the most in the world; it can be absolutely anything but start the planning now and then accept it's a plan for the future.


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Comments

Carol Westover said…
Thinking beyond today, even this moment is difficult. It's like I need to wait and see how things turn out for my husband and me--what kind of shape I'll be in and what I'll be able to do physically and mentally. I haven't allowed myself to think beyond the needs of today. I applaud you that you've been able to put your dreams down on paper.
Jane said…
putting my dreams down on paper has made them seem real and achievable which has helped me more than I can say. Also knowing what I want to work towards has given me goals. for example I have ski-ing down on my list. we always skied and for some reason I assumed that because I wouldn't have Ash to go with my skiing days were over. Now I've realised I can go on my own 'afterwards' but that means I need to be fit so I won't wait to see if I'm fit enough but instead will make sure I am fit enough. those goals are what's getting me through this.
Karen said…
Just encouraged me to get up and go for a walk while my husband is watching a movie. Gotta stay/get fit. I wonder if I could start skiing again if this lasts until I am 75 LOL.
Jane said…
Am sure you could but if not you'll be fit enough to try something else you've never done before or take up something you used to do in the past. and if you're fit you'll feel so much better about yourself the skiing won't matter.
Tehachap said…
I've started walking on the treadmill every day. I'm doing it to lose weight and thus make it easier on my heart. I have congestive heart failure, Asthma and COPD. That's why I am so unsure about the future. One day at a time...