How much difference do I make?

You may have noticed my current upbeat attitude to life and, if you've been following the blog for a while, you'll know this has been a hard fought battle for me.  There have been so many ups and downs, so many highs and lows, that I think we've all occasionally got dizzy but this time I've really seen the benefits so I'm hoping I can keep it up.  The thing is that it's not just me that benefits from my new outlook on life.  I had a video chat with Nicky from the memory clinic this afternoon where she asked me how Ash was doing, what his moods were like, whether he was coping with his anxiety issues and all I could say was 'he's fine' to almost every question.  I didn't mean he's always fine, that there's never a problem, but those moments when I think we're both going to go crazy seem few and far between just now and it's not all down to lockdown.  Slowing life to a manageable pace has certainly been a benefit but I really think it's me and my attitude that's had the most positive impact on how Ash is coping with life so in the middle of all the questions I suddenly blurted out 'the thing is, because I'm feeling so good about myself, Ash is calmer and better able to cope'.  She understood that and it made me feel even better.  This has been a long while coming but right now I feel as though I'm emerging from a dark tunnel and arriving, blinking, into the sunlight.  I've started running, I'm getting organised, I'm losing weight, my suntan is deepening and finally there seems to be more to life than our trials and tribulations.  Sometimes when we're told to look after ourselves we feel guilty for taking time out, for doing something that makes us happy but over the past few weeks I've begun to realise that what's good for me is good for Ash too and so I intend to carry on with this new way of life however much effort it takes.  It appears there's more to this life than dementia and we certainly don't need to be defined by it.

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