What gets you through all this?

When you share your life with dementia it's very difficult to see what's ahead.  In fact everyone tells you that the best way of dealing with it all is to just accept what's happening and live in the moment and I've tried that but with limited success.  Telling myself life is ok right now works in the short term but to be perfectly blunt my life is unlikely to end when Ash's does so how do I prepare for that eventuality without wishing away every last minute with him.  Everyone needs something good to look forward to, a goal to aim for and living in the moment doesn't help you do that it just helps you to pass the time.  None of this is his fault or mine so I do my very best to make sure we're enjoying ourselves within the limitations of our life just now but selfishly I feel there must be more than this so here's what I've come up with.  I've decided that my life is on 'pause'.  I used to think it was on hold only that seems so definite and removes an awful lot of the light that I'll need later on but to feel it's on 'pause' has to me made all the difference.  I'm being a realist when I say that there are things I want to do with my life that I know, without doubt, Ash won't be a part of; there's no recovering from dementia there is only managing it as best I can so I've begun tentatively to plan for the future.  These plans are fuzzy round the edges, they're not firm and there certainly isn't any sort of date to them but I find them comforting and they give me back some hope.  Other people deal with this situation in their own way and I'm sure some will be horrified with what I've just written but what I want you to know is that, if this is you, if you're in my position, you can only do what suits you, what gets you through this.  Everyone will have their saving grace, the thing that saves their sanity amongst all the chaos but if you find a way that helps then just know that's ok.  And if you're not in this situation but know someone who is then please don't judge them.  We're all doing the best we can and you will never know what we're going through.

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